First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
