I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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