I didn't shave. On purpose
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
