We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How's work?
Spinning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
