his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
