Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
