the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
