She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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