I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
