i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
