My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
