I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
