this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
