Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
