absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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