So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
