and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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