Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
