I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize