i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
