Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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