I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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