you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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