Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
