I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
