Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
