Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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