im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
