My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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