Are we in a gay sports bar?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a beard to bite.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
