I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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