What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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