Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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