I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
