Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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