K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
