He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
