youre lurking in front of me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
