im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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