He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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