Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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