well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
