will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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