So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
