census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
