what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
