i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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