god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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