So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
