I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
