we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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