lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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