I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize