im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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