This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
