I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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