Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
