I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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