I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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