Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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