If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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