we have officially lost it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
