he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
