Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
