he looks like a really good dad on facebook
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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