Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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