if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
