We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
