porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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