New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
