Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize