U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
