I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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